In Transit To...

Tuesday, May 22

Tonight is one of those nights when you suddenly have this burning desire to update your blog and finally break the (7-month long) silence...but you quickly realize you have no idea what you should talk about. It does not feel quite right to share my intimate thoughts and feelings with hundreds of potential onlookers - private things belong to a private journal. Lists of places, movies and exhibitions do not quite appeal to me either these days - it seems like every other blog has transformed into a glossy calendar of social events, doesn't it? Same thing with tips: the internet is overflowing with advice on this and that, and I doubt I have anything valuable to add.

During the last 18 months I have been working really hard to get to a place where I would not scroll through the photos on Instagram and wish I was somewhere else living someone else's life. I had to overcome many obstacles; I had to train myself to ignore that subtle yet intrusive voice in my head that made me feel hesitant and afraid; I had to force myself to get up and keep going - even when I was so exhausted I wanted to give up. The period from September to the beginning of April truly felt like a whirlwind of work, endless trips to the university and my French language school, exams and assignments, growing piles of documents and notarized copies, questions, emails, deadlines, lists. But I managed to prove to myself that nothing is impossible - that is, if you choose not to resort to excuses and stop justifying your own lack of action with miserable conversations about not being fortunate enough or not having enough resources. As they say, seek and you shall find - so it is probably wiser to seek solutions rather than problems.

This transitional, weird, vague period is coming to an end - and I am slowly starting to write the new chapter of my life. This jump into the complete unknown that I am preparing for scares the hell out of me; but it feels incredible to take control over my own life and start making my dreams a reality.

At the moment, I do not really know what this new chapter is going to bring and how exactly it is going to transform me (and this blog). But I am thrilled to find out.


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